prologue: How To Stay Alive (With A Broken Heart)

 

Chapter 9
Black Dahlia

 

This is the most recent thing that happened to me, and i guess it doesn’t work without mentioning about what happened between me and Moon Flower first. But well, the happenings with Moon Flower will be the last chapter, simple because this is the most important and complex one, but it goes back for several years. Black Dahlia happened just two to three months back from now, after a time i was separated from Moon Flower for long enough so i could start something new again.

So back in autumn last year i had to deal with the thought of never be able to see Moon Flower ever again, which was hard for me, but you will see next chapter, why. At some point we totally broke any contact and after the shittiest week i had since my brother died, i started to feel pretty good about myself again, and after just a few weeks i felt good enough to ask Black Dahlia out. I already knew her for nearly one and a half year, and a friend already tried to bring us together once. So we had sort of a date once and i went pretty well! I was very impressed by her intelligence (and you may know, intelligence turns me on really good). I so love the discussions we were able to do. But back then it didn’t work out, i tried to see her again several times, but no luck. Later it turned out that she THOUGHT i was in love with someone else, which seems logical i have to admit, but it simply wasn’t the case. I guess this part was my fault. So anyway, we saw each other occasionally, simply because we shared friends, but nothing really happened between us. Until the point i felt good enough about myself to ask her on a date. I originally planned this before last Christmas, but i figured out i should wait until after Christmas, or else this would be a pretty awkward thing between us. The wait was tingling to me, i never had this feeling before. And after Christmas i finally simply asked her. She was surprised (why??), but agreed!

So we met and had fun, really cool discussions about philosophical things and stuff, went out for dinner and watched movies. Not often, because still it was pretty hard for her to agree to meet. I figured out this had nothing to do with me, but it’s just her. I COULD live with it, but i sure didn’t want to. For me it is important to see the person you date more often than like once every two weeks or so… i guess pretty much everyone would agree in that notion, right? Well, she didn’t, but at least we were able to talk about it. And she could reason it, and it was okay for me simply because she could. You don’t have that too often that people with weird behavior can actually tell you why and are willing to. I really liked that about her. So she sure was cute, had really nice ideas of life and a brain that she used, all good things. But on the other hand she was some sort of loner. Reminded me of Dragon Fruit, of course, but on a different level. She didn’t even like the thought of DATING someone, but was surprisingly romantic on the inside. But it was this stupid movie kind of romance that didn’t work in real life. Like only date someone you love. Obviously that is not how it works, because you first have to get to know one to get an idea of how or if you love the other, or at least see it being possible. I told her all this, because this is what i wanted to accomplish with her: we knew that we liked each other, but we both have very complex personalities. The more complex a person is, the harder it gets to get to know this person, and finding aspects to love about him or her. You have to find things to fall in love with with one another, that’s logical, isn’t it? And with her i saw countless possibilities to fall in love, and i guessed she did, too.

[this part is missing]

Fact his, we haven’t seen or talked to one another in quite a while now. It must have been 1.5 months now, or already 2 whole months maybe. We agreed on the level of friendship we had before, and i guess we both are smart enough to live like that. But on the other hand the fact that we haven’t even met since then speaks another language. I guess time will sort this out, so like i said, it’s way too soon to conclude this, but the end result should not be positive to me. But i have learned some things, and that is always worth something.

 

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