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the world through the eyes of sweet melancholy. about the arts, science, and personal affairs.
8106 › my photography of 2010
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let me recap my phases of creativity during the year of 2010. this post will have a lot of original pictures, working as some sort of samples to what i write about. (notice that all my works here are licensed under Creative Common licence by-nc-nd – meaning you can publish them wherever you want, as long as you credit me.)

well the year started with some kind of letdown in my arts, as i was in that really dull state of unsatisfaction and depression. and as you may already know, i don’t work that well when i am in such a state. so the first 3 months i have not made that many photos at all, which is a shame.

back in 2009 i made my first steps into the lo-fi genre by making a lot of lomography pictures. especially the late 2009 pictures proofed to be one of my best series of pictures. the december as pretty creative for me, but i published most of those works in january and february of 2010.

january and february i spend with concentrating on other stuff.
i did a few freefly shootings with Norman Dusk and some other friends of mine, which mostly turned out to look very, very avarage, and i did not publish any of those. mostly just people posing in front of a snowy background. very boring.

i also started a series of semi-photo, semi-vexel works about very rare fields on the alternative erotica genre, but i never finished a decent amount of works to make it public. the picture above is the only thing i showed so far. the reason why i immediately stopped working on it after making only 3 or 4 of them lies withing april.

because after april happened i suddenly had family all over me and i thought it would be better for all if i don’t touch specific topics – like porn or depression. lately i am thinking of rebooting the project, because i kinda like what i made so far.

one thing from march that came out quite decent were some image and documentary photos i did for musician My Requiem, from belgium. i don’t think i made a big fuzz out of it, and didn’t even upload this stuff on dA or anywhere else. but when i review it now, i think it’s not so bad at all.

also, seeing the work on the creation of songs was a nice experience. i did not contribute a lot (did not get a credit or anything), but i was there, had my fun and met some people, with which i still have contact.

april threw all my works on some sort of hold. logically.
at the end of april i kinda forced myself to do some lomo shots from my hometown, out of sheer nostalgia and a lot of melancholy – and this series turned out to be quite good, too. it is not deep or special, but they kinda reflect how i felt at that time (at least i see that so).

those pictures were only cold outside shots of specific places of my childhood, which i – on my own – re-visited. it was strange making this series, but it felt really good to think about good old days.
plus, i was about to drive back to Düsseldorf and already got struck by home sickness (even though i was still at home, with my family). just from thinking of leaving my hometown…

after being back in Düsseldorf i was glad that my friends here tried to help me out over everything that happened. i tried to slip back into a normal life. i thought a good way was to make shootings again. fashion shootings were always very boring to me, so i thought to spice it up by combining it with lomography, and it kinda worked – as a first try on this it worked pretty well. i should make more of those and see how far i can evolve with this…

but things changed; a lot. i was already griefing on my lack of creativity during all the past months – half the year was already over, and the only thing i could show were a new webpage and a bunch of lo-fi pics – which were good, but none of those were a real PROJECT on their own! noting big, nothing special. just good photos. how boring.

also i wanted to express my new personality, which more and more came to the light of day. i experimented a bit with new self portraits, but nothing that came out of that was better than simply good. but at least i had something to show.

people wanted to see my new hair, because they could not imagine my look, and as you can see in this sample i only send them this experimental stuff, which doesn’t show me in natural at all. haha.
anyway.

this year i have done a lot with Lolly O’Diamond (see picture) and Norman Dusk. i really love Lolly as my model, because she acts so extremely professional and is so stunningly alterable in her appearance, it’s a shame she isn’t already worth millions. and like, modeling through the world and such.

me personally, i started searching for a new job, which took me less time than i ever thought it would take. working in a photography studio for portrait photography seemed liked a great opportunity for me. but who could guess it turned out to be all lame again an such…
anyway, i was lucky to finally by able to find myself again and getting a real identity.

while working i barely found the time to plan big projects or anything. hence noting really changed with my works – to the outside. i was not very happy to see that i end up in a completely different state, but that would also block me off my creative output, but on another level.

but with new photographer on my side i finally came up with the enthusiasm to test out all the cameras i bought over the time on the flew market.
i was especially curious to work with the non-lomography cams from the 70s and 80s – those with a real lens of glass and 35mm film. AND i was curious to work with cross processing and other experimental stuff. i really love the outcome of this testing – but still, not very deep works, only good looking pictures. no big projects and no full scaled art. and nothing in that direction even came to the horizon…

plus, all the art academies of germany rejected me again. at least i now had the personal to discuss why this was, but sad enough it turned out i needed to do some really extensive art project in order to make anything suitable for the academy.

until i could to that, i experimented a lot more. and more. and more.
for example with time exposure, like you see in that sample picture.  getting a feel for this kind of work is hard, when you work with analogue cameras, and i failed a lot before i produced good works, but it was all fun on the way there, and i learned a lot about techniques and such.

i even used this new learned techniques on situations that aren’t appropriate for that, but that is me, trying to do stuff nobody did before – and yes, i am very certain that long time exposure with lomographic cameras on dark indoor location rock concerts is something that hasn’t been done before, or at least not that mentionable. but at least i like the outcome of those tries, so isn’t it worth it?

at this point i noticed that i kinda abandoned my deviantART gallery quite a lot, because i was NOT trying to overload it with lo-fi pictures. but since i have barely done anything beside that, i had no real choice after all. i still keep most of my lomography works at my Flickr page… but that is all not working out well and i should re-arrange my priorities…

in october i met wit my lo-fi photographer friend and colleague Vesa Metsä-Ketelä.
it felt VERY GOOD to talk with him, as he is in the same spiritual and artistic sphere as i am. our works kinda resemble each other, because we have the same view on things. we did a great tour through the museums of Düsseldorf, and did a lot of photos together (again, all lomo). i learned a lot, again, and most important of all: i had a lot of fun!
he is a professional in many things and i can learn so much from him. i hope this will continue in the future. (and yes, that is him in the picture)

my parents also visited me, which may not sound like that much of a deal, but for me it was. they never really made any intentions clear to do that during the few years prior, but as things changed, they wanted to be more supportive and so on.
what does this have to do with my photography? well, nothing i guess. i just wanted to give you a story around that picture of my parents, which i never published before ^^

november i was about to do a promo shooting for Dusk Clothing, which turned out to be a total disaster. the organisation was… well… pretty much not there at all, and the whole thing turned out not only to be impossible, but also frustrating. they hired – on short hand – another photographer, who did not make the mistake of trusting the organisation to someone else, and he did a very decent job there, making my presence at the shooting obsolete.
the people were fun, but the shooting itself was a nightmare. i tried to make the best photos possible, but in the end that did not work out – and people thought i was the one to blame… that was very unpleasant.

i thought i could do the best out it by morphing it into a documentary session. armed with EOS and Holga this also turned out to be a maybe good looking, but still pretty dull and un-deep series of works.

i don’t think i do comissions for fashion shootings anymore. maybe image photos, but not stuff like photos for catalogue pictures. it’s simply not artistic and not fun.
it satisfies me not a bit.

well, and that is were i am now.

still having a lot of ideas, and kinda waiting for the big project to happen. but i can’t do that alone – i need friends to support me and a muse to inspire me.

i will search for a new job, definitely something to do with photography. i will try my luck at the universities again, and i hope to be able to do that with my then finished real project.

and there is still a lot to experiment with, with digital as well as with analogue photography. i will certainly not stop doing what i do, no matter what you think of it. because i love doing it, and that is pretty much all that matters to me.


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last modified: 2010-Dec-14, 3:21:17
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